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PWR Presents: Darkwar II

  • 4th Tap Brewing Co-op 10615 Metric Boulevard Austin, TX, 78758 United States (map)

[This wrestling cataclysm/party is FREE and all ages. 21+ to drink. Content not suitable for children]

Spring has finally sprung - but its an actual, metal spring. The hydraulic limb of a massive robot retracts and pumps forward, its cold metal fist crushing an aluminum can into a flat disk. A grating, monotone whisper inflects human speech: 


Welcome to 2017 - a chrome dystopia we thought we'd escaped. 
Dark, crowded buildings crush the skyline. Hyper-liminal neon ads wash out the horizon. DEEPSLAM - the most insidious artificial intelligence ever programmed - is back. Its goal? TOTAL HUMAN ENSLAVEMENT. SLAMBOTS round up rogue rasslers, bodyslamming and pinning them in a perfunctory and unsporting display. This is WORK VIOLENCE. 

But will we allow ourselves to be enslaved?! To be suplexed in robotic a-slam-bly lines?! To be tube-fed glowing sports drinks?! 


On March 11th, the battle lines will be drawn. Will you serve the machines, or resist their impossible might? Will you opt for a FULL - METAL CONVERSION, or WEAPONIZE YOUR INHERENT GORE?


HELLSPORT will do all they can to crush PWR - but we have at least one fight left in us. Please join us as craft beer and wrestling determines the fate of humanity! This FREE PARTY features important yelling, sincere grappling and powerful costumes. Crank those glands into sweat mode and hop into the commotion!!! 

This is the Darkwar.

Never mess around, because it's time to announce...THE NIGHT'S MATCH CARD!

??Main Event??
Dan "the Man" Ziggler holds the Partyweight Belt - the key to controlling the invincible robot DEEPSLAM! Can DAN be made to defend his title? If so, who against? THE ANSWER MAY SURPRISE YOU! The future of humanity depends on THIS ONE WEIRD TRICK!

Luigi Primo vs. Big Daddy Bolero
PWR's most reknowned mustache-havers face off! Big Daddy Bolero is a Dallas oil tycoon also noted for his height, cowboy-hat, and bribery. Luigi Primo is Austin's most legitimately Italian pizza chef. Rude sauce vs. crude hoss! This is CRAZY!

Dadbod vs. Puggin'Head

Dadbod shouted his way into PWR on the strength of his conspiracy theorizing and unique balding pattern. 
Puggin'Head is a brave, small man made of felt. 6 months ago, "The Bod" used a CRAVEN, OUTLAWED PILEDRIVER to break young Puggin'Head's neck. After a lengthy and uncertain recovery process, PUGGIN'HEAD is finally back to stand up against DADBOD's bullying.

Pinkeye [Garbageweight Champ] vs. Jeffistopheles [GARBAGEWEIGHT TITLE MATCH]
THE RUDEST MATCH! What vile post-human enhancements has the vaguely-daemonic Jeff added to his body? What new trash has Pinkeye added to her junked-out arsenal? She'll need all of it for this one! Hellsport's most vocal spokesperson has jerknapped Pinkeye's closest friend, Babyface! Can the dumpster queen dump Jeff back into oblivion and save Babyface, or is this the end for both Dumpster Babes? You've got to come and check it's just...please!

[Necroweight Title Match] Randy "The Eagle" Eagleman vs. Necro Zahkey [Necroweight Champ]
It's a tale as old as time: A Tsarist Russian Warlord gains immense power by absorbing souls with a cursed belt. He further rends away his humanity by injecting powerful chemicals and installing cybernetics. A weird genetic infection turns a waiter into a birdman. The Warlord antagonizes the birdman and won't give him the antidote to his condition. If you know the story - you know the two bitter rivals must now face off in the ruins of society. The winner will bear the TERRIBLE RESPONSIBILITY of holding the Necrobelt. And the other's soul may be destroyed! NO DISQUALIFICATIONS, NO QUARTER, NO DANG MERCY! Will Zahkey finally subjugate Randy? Can Randy SPREAD HIS WINGS to reclaim his humanity??? DAAAAANG!


Deepslam 4.20: The rebuilt DEEPSLAM robot is more powerful than any wrestler in human or inhuman history. Its neural network controls SLAMNET, and it fights as HELLSPORT's number 1 enforcer. With it gaurding the champ, how can anyone ever get a shot at the title?!

Dock Master: PWR's former Partyweight Champion, the champion of all dock workers, strives to stand tall against a foe he has never beaten in our timeline!

Theodosia: Frozen in ice for 200 years, the ancient gaurdian continues her fight for the resistance. She might only barely know what a robot is, but she sure knows how to smash it!

HOTDOG: The crust warrior, Hotdog, has been captured by the machines! Has he drank his last bottle of Listerine? 

The NARRC: PWR's BFF CHAMPIONS, The North American Railroad Commission - enforce TRAINLAW against all pedestrians who dare cross the rails of the DARKWAR. They've been NARRCing on any resistance members they find, surrendering them to SLAMNET or feeding them to locomotive engines. Such cruel power... #NARRCWAR

POSEIBORG: The Cybernetic Lord of the Deep is always freaking out when people tresspass in his domain! Let's hope no one runs afoul of him!

Arbitro Obscuro: Will PWR's mask vigilante Referee show up? 

PLUS MORE?!?!?!?!?!?!

Earlier Event: March 11
4X4T 2017